community–all impt 1. talking w scott at gc 2. mcg/tth at c



independence–self without being selfish




  • defining ideas, defining self
    • when i was a teen, i made a sign, you are what you eat. got me thinking about where our food really comes from, what we put in our bodies, what are our bodies, etc
    • pwr turn on a lightbulb
    • commonplace to us, magic to others
    • space-travel is really bringing the earth with us

purposelessness v purpose-driven–purposelessness is really hard, but it may be real; every day, tho, i create purpose

feeling trapped. ce writes, ‘Not only is the universe an object in the sense of being external to self, but the self becomes an object as well, one among many, operationally defined according to the above physical properties, interacting—just like any other matter—with the rest of the universe according to Newton’s impersonal, deterministic laws. You, my friend, are a mass.’ existentialism, too; now neodarwinists, like dawkins, who says, according to ce, ‘the purpose of life is to survive—to survive and reproduce.’ am i alone in the universe? ce–‘people have tried for several centuries to find a way out of the seemingly unbreakable stranglehold of deterministic science….Take heart, skeptics, … the truth is far more splendid than an indifferent material universe run by a creator god…. The game is up. The energy required to maintain the lie of the discrete and separate self far outweighs the benefits. We are beginning to let go.’ i can hardly wait….

getting back to death–it’s inevitable, you know–selfishness is a form of death-denial–ce says, ‘A personal brush with death, or even the passing of a loved one, connects us to a reality beyond the constructs of me and mine. Death opens our hearts. Death reminds us, with a clarity that trumps all logic, that only love is real. And what is love, but a melting of the boundaries between self and other? As many poets have understood, love too is a kind of death. To a person identified with tribe, forest, and planet, the death of the body and all it controls is far less frightening. Another way to describe such a person is that he or she is in love with the world. Love is antidote to fear of death, because it expands one’s boundaries beyond what can be lost. Conversely, fear of death blocks love by shutting us in and making us small.’

figures. the first lawnmower of the season starts up and what i’m reading online times out. not that this intentional. just coincidence, right?

back to death. when people got up that day, they didn’t know they’d jump from a burning tower or drown at sea or be gunned down or hit by a train or by a car or drop dead from an aneurysm.

quotes & thoughts

  • ‘Play is the production of fun; entertainment is the consumption of fun.’–ce, taoh–do you seek play or entertainment?
  • The Struggle–‘There is a struggle inside you between these two parts. It’s as if at times your heart becomes a battlefield! The secret part, full of light, seems so small and weak in the face of the discouraging and morbid part, which seems enormous and overwhelming. However, if you light a small candle in a dark room, everything is lit up. It is a matter of trusting in this little light in the deepest part of your being which can gradually chase away the darkness.’–Jean Vanier, Seeing Beyond Depression, p. 55
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